Mysterious images, bearing a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary, have been appearing on T-Bone's T-shirts most Monday and Wednesday nights. The apparition develops strongly and then fades once the shirt is removed. A faint image remains.  A  selection of  "T-Bone's Virgin T's" are available for $49.95, autographed for $59.95. A portion of

proceeds will go to T-Bone's favorite charity: the Sgro Romanian Immigration Society. This group helps guide Romanian Exotic Dancers through the complicated Canadian immigration process.
 

Detail on back of T.

Our first annual calendar is on sale. Our 2004 player of the year Scotty has the honor of being Mr January.  Doesn't he look just YUMMY?? Scott's hobbies are beer, nachos and televised sports. His game is charac- terized by periods of brilliance interspersed between bouts of rim-clanging incompetence. 


           Mr October

Foggie's campaign to become the next Pope took a turn for the worse when it was revealed he was not a Catholic, he doesn't speak Latin, he's married and he would not consent to celibacy.  Foggie replied "obviously this organization discriminates in its hiring practices based on religion.  I'm considering my options legal or otherwise"
 

We always suspected a fourth nipple - after all nipples come in pairs.  Doppler has always been evasive when the subject came up but here it is: the quaternary vestigium, nipple ring and all.

Editor: Chris Shepard

Associate Editor: Blair Paterson

Layout and Production: Chris Shepard

Contributors: Chris Shepard, Mike Gustafsson, Tim Witoski, Mark Tatchell

Advertising: Advertising rates available on request.  Please direct all advertising inquiries to advertising@ofba.net

Submissions: Submissions to the Newsletter are welcome. We are looking for original material suitable for a wide audience.

 Next Edition - Special Edition!

 Forbidden Pleasures: Another OFBA mountaineering edition.

My Dad and I used to fish in a little lake called Lake Obiwish- caboby. Lake Obiwishcaboby was a beautiful little spot and our very favorite place to fish.  We used to load up the old station wagon with food and camping gear and, of course, lots and lots of beer.  Dad really liked to have the occasional beer when we went fishing. Well he actually liked to have the occasional beer when he was doing most anything.  One day, as we were cruising down the lake, we hit a big wave which sent the cooler flying over the side spilling its precious contents into the lake.  I'll never forget the look of horror on my fathers face as a skid of Lucky's slowly slid into the murky depths of Obiwishcaboby. He cut the engine and we both dove in to try and recover the lost treasure, but it was all in vain.  By now it was getting pretty late on Saturday and the only chance of salvaging the remainder of weekend was to rush back to the wharf and head down to the liquor store down in Bigger Blucher - everything was closed on Sunday in those days.  Dad hauled himself into the boat, sped off and in his panic managed to leave me behind.  It was at that moment that my life took a major turn. It wasn't a turn for the worse or a turn for the better. It was just a turn. To make a long story short Dad was arrested for drunk driving, he was unable to convince the officers that he had accidentally abandoned his son in the middle of Lake Obiwishcaboby, he had to spend the night and most of the next day in jail, and I was adopted by a family of muskrats.

Life with the muskrats was simple but happy: the food was good (cattail tubers, freshwater clams and such), got to swim all day every day and we lived in a really cool lodge. I was allowed to speak nothing but muskrat* in our lodge, but I did pick up a little beaver in the pond. One day an Amish family riding by the pond in their carriage "liberated" me.  Didn't seem like much of a trade-up to me as we lived a very austere life: I was allowed to speak nothing but Amish at home and I was shunned anytime I tried to speak muskrat. But something was about to happen that would change my life forever.

CONTINUED NEXT NEWSLETTER

OFBA Commissioner Chris Shepard would not confirm or deny rumours that the OFBA is actually an al-Qaeda sleeper cell. When asked about the link the Commissioner stated  "I love al Qaeda's: especially with lots of jalapenoes"  

Life-saving rabbit wins top award

 Dory, a 1.5 stone rabbit, has been made the first ever honorary animal member of the Rabbit Welfare Association.

Dory's actions saved the life of Simon Steggall, 42, of Warboys, when she jumped up on his chest as he began to slump into a diabetic coma.

The action alerted his wife Victoria to the emergency, which happened in January this year.

Mrs Steggall, 32, thought he had simply fallen asleep after a hard week at work and it wasn't until Dory started thumping on his chest and licking round his mouth that she realised something was terribly wrong.

"Too often they are abandoned alone in a hutch at the bottom of the garden, forgotten and ignored, when in fact they make excellent house pets.

"Hopefully, rabbits such as Dory will help to raise awareness of rabbits and just how wonderful they really are."

'A great honour'

Mr Steggall said: "I don't know how she did it but Dory saved my life."

Mrs Stegall said: "It's a great honour. I can't believe it. I'm very impressed and so is Dory, though I had to help her fill in the application form."

Ambulance driver Mrs Steggall immediately swung into action and rubbed a special gel into Simon's gums to try and bring his blood sugar levels back up to normal.

But when that failed she rang 999 for paramedics who injected the BT engineer with medication to force his liver to dump its store of glucose, which finally brought him round.

Ingrid Tarrant, Rabbit Welfare Association supporter and experienced rabbit owner, said the story of Dory came as no surprise to her.

'Rabbits misunderstood'

She said: "Rabbits are the most misunderstood of animals; people just don't realize how intelligent and sociable they are.

Source: BBC Web Page

         Sharing a strawberry daiquiri at the first annual OFBA
         Valentines Day celebrations held at the George & Dragon.

Scarface's latest injury is truly spectacular: a double dislocation of the pinkie. This is a very rare injury, and it is unlikely anyone will be able to top it, even though there are still four months left on the schedule. There are rumours that a lawsuit might be pending. Witoski stated to the Newsletter "The pass was thrown with an obvious attempt to injure. Mr. Shepard (the alleged passer) is a disgruntled former employee who was hired as a gardener and outdoor custodian for a brief period in the Fall. I was forced to let him go due to shoddy work (especially in the soil fluffing department) and a bad attitude. Mr. Shepard responded "the only reason Witoski is upset is because one of the Palm Sisters is going to be out of action for a few weeks."